Fellow Survivor and former co-worker, Cheryl
Thanks Guys! for coming out and walking with me!
4.30.2009
4.26.2009
D E N I E D
I have three social forum accounts on the web besides my email account one of which being Blogger. When I blog I write about random, serious, dumb, simple, or heartfelt situations and I submit them to the black-hole of the Internet not really expecting anyone to give a rat's ass. However, I must be honest, I do in-fact give a rat's ass. I would like to know why you have decided to type my URL and scroll down to read my life's journal. Something is obviously bringing you back - are you really interested in my life's happenings or do you just want to gossip in the web and watch me unravel like a Sunday evening movie? Let's take Mr. or Mrs. Los Angeles for example. They log on to my blog more than I do! WTH! If you are going to waist so much time reading my thoughts how about you have some yourself – and comment!
As for the two other forums’ I use (MySpace and Facebook) they are in place to re-connect, stay in contact, communicate, and share your life with your 'friends'. Right?! Could have fooled me! I signed up for Facebook about a month ago and to my surprised I realized people had already been searching for me (2 old friends and 1 family member). So I approved their 'friendship' and wrote a ‘hey, how are you?’ letter as a gesture of ‘friendship’. As the next few weeks came I received more 'friend' request and approval most of them and again wrote an individual letter as a friendly gesture. I thought to myself since they made the effort to find me that they would reciprocate my gesture. After several weeks what do I get in return . . . NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! Why take the F*ING time to find me and raise an eyebrow to my account when you really don't give a rat's ass about having a real 'friendship' (in person or over the web).
Usually when I don't need or want someone in my life I will not write them back or make any effort to be interested in their life's happenings. So I get the hint! You really don't care - so do me a favor and don't request to be a web 'friend'! I rather blog into the black hole of the web then send you friendly gestures and get nothing back.
As for the two other forums’ I use (MySpace and Facebook) they are in place to re-connect, stay in contact, communicate, and share your life with your 'friends'. Right?! Could have fooled me! I signed up for Facebook about a month ago and to my surprised I realized people had already been searching for me (2 old friends and 1 family member). So I approved their 'friendship' and wrote a ‘hey, how are you?’ letter as a gesture of ‘friendship’. As the next few weeks came I received more 'friend' request and approval most of them and again wrote an individual letter as a friendly gesture. I thought to myself since they made the effort to find me that they would reciprocate my gesture. After several weeks what do I get in return . . . NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! Why take the F*ING time to find me and raise an eyebrow to my account when you really don't give a rat's ass about having a real 'friendship' (in person or over the web).
Usually when I don't need or want someone in my life I will not write them back or make any effort to be interested in their life's happenings. So I get the hint! You really don't care - so do me a favor and don't request to be a web 'friend'! I rather blog into the black hole of the web then send you friendly gestures and get nothing back.
4.21.2009
Fact: Eugene was the first city to have one-way streets
Just a few un-edited photos from the last few days in Oregon
Downtown Portland
River Front - Portland
Briten Bush Hot Springs - Detroit
Lincoln City
One day trip to San Francisco
Went to San Francisco last week bought a disposable camera, walked on the Pier, bought a cheap sweatshirt because we were not prepared, watched the 'bush man', ate bread bowls, drove down to Castro to take a stroll, and had a little road stress but it was a great day trip.
4.16.2009
10 Thing I Don't Understand
I don't understand . . .
1. people who think that their friends don't have other lives
2. why people agree to do things then vanish
3. how i found that most amazing derm. doctor here in Chico
4. why my body is falling apart in my mid twenties
5. how this small pill that is going to make me better can hurt so much
6. how i just turned into the Incredible Hulk
7. why the ice cream truck still has to play 'that' song
8. what happened to the days when people didn't 'talk back'
9. why people don't try to understand other people
10. what happened to 'common sense'
1. people who think that their friends don't have other lives
2. why people agree to do things then vanish
3. how i found that most amazing derm. doctor here in Chico
4. why my body is falling apart in my mid twenties
5. how this small pill that is going to make me better can hurt so much
6. how i just turned into the Incredible Hulk
7. why the ice cream truck still has to play 'that' song
8. what happened to the days when people didn't 'talk back'
9. why people don't try to understand other people
10. what happened to 'common sense'
4.09.2009
Sideways Road Trip
I drove to Coalinga two days ago to take over my best friends house and drink wine and laugh it up til midnight. But this is what happened . . .
I knew I wasn't far from Coalinga because all i could find on the radio was 1 country channel, 1 Christian channel, and 9 Spanish channels. I think i was accompanied by the CalTrans road condition guy for some time, also.
I drove into town with the first sight of a black cat taking a crap on the corner of someones yard. Metaphorical or not it was very appropriate.
Then, i arrive at my mom's house and ending the night with grabbing things in the air to talk about. As for the obscene amount of wine drinking - i had one glass and was ready to go to bed by ten pm. My dad and I don't make eye contact til the next day - in which he calls me 'Hey, you' - he never says that! I watch the Dog Whisper and realize i really miss cable TV. The deep, emotional, analytical, best friend talk doesn't start until the night before i leave at ten pm. Our meals the last few days consisted of chicken salad and Italian pasta from Save Mart - twice a day.
Sometimes the much needed life check-ups are enough to provoke you to get your ass in gear.
4.05.2009
The Laws of Anger
Today did not start as a good day. Without going into detail - I was mad. I was hurt, mad, and emotional. I jumped in the shower to not only clean but to listen to only the water running and nothing else. Then I attempted to be civil and disregard the elephant in the room but it couldn’t be done. So I put on my new pink Aero shorts, new baby blue Nike Shox, and drive off with my new Schwinn bike in my car. (Yeah, I went on a Spring shopping spree - so happy).
I park my car at Bidwell Park and jump on my new Schwinn and ride. The ride it self was really nice - it always is - I just know I will hurt for a few days from biking 10 miles to relief stress. I was hungry after the ride so I drive downtown and parked along Main Street. It's common knowledge that you do not need to feed the parking meters on the weekends but I was so mentally jumbled that I had 60 cents in my hand and I didn't want to hold onto it so I feed the 60 cents to the meter. This makes sense, now, why some guy gave me a weird look like “Ummm, she must not be around here or not able to read the sign directly placed on the meter that states the meter laws”. After feeding the meter my piggy-bank account I walked to Beach Hut Deli and for those of you who are familiar with my digestive track, I do not do well with large meals. However, today I wanted to suppress my anger with food so I downed an amazing sandwich called the Drankster™ (roasted turkey, cream cheese, Monterey Jack, tomatoes, and Greek peppers between toasted bread). This sandwich was 2 inches high with each ingredient repeated twice. It was so comforting I ate almost all of it which for me is too much.
At the time it sounded like a good idea - take a relaxing bike ride, give the city my chump-change, and treat myself to lunch. But here I am with achy thighs and I have turned my bathroom into my blogging office for today!
Lesson for today -
If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot. ~Korean Proverb
I park my car at Bidwell Park and jump on my new Schwinn and ride. The ride it self was really nice - it always is - I just know I will hurt for a few days from biking 10 miles to relief stress. I was hungry after the ride so I drive downtown and parked along Main Street. It's common knowledge that you do not need to feed the parking meters on the weekends but I was so mentally jumbled that I had 60 cents in my hand and I didn't want to hold onto it so I feed the 60 cents to the meter. This makes sense, now, why some guy gave me a weird look like “Ummm, she must not be around here or not able to read the sign directly placed on the meter that states the meter laws”. After feeding the meter my piggy-bank account I walked to Beach Hut Deli and for those of you who are familiar with my digestive track, I do not do well with large meals. However, today I wanted to suppress my anger with food so I downed an amazing sandwich called the Drankster™ (roasted turkey, cream cheese, Monterey Jack, tomatoes, and Greek peppers between toasted bread). This sandwich was 2 inches high with each ingredient repeated twice. It was so comforting I ate almost all of it which for me is too much.
At the time it sounded like a good idea - take a relaxing bike ride, give the city my chump-change, and treat myself to lunch. But here I am with achy thighs and I have turned my bathroom into my blogging office for today!
Lesson for today -
If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot. ~Korean Proverb
The Other Woman
The other woman is confident but tender
The other woman is understanding but slightly jealous
The other woman is here for you until you abuse her.
She is gone.
Gone like the heated affair across the city.
Gone like the forgetfull place you once had that memory.
She needs space too, but you left her out too long. Long enough to dry-up.
Flowers are not pretty when they dry-up.
The other woman never stays long because other women never do.
She is the other to your wife. She is the other to your lover. She is the other to your sister, daughter, and even yourself.
She fit that void where you needed to fuck, where you needed to laugh, where you needed to abuse, and where you needed to rise above.
The other woman doesn't need your explanation just let her go when she is already gone.
The other woman doesn't need your drama.
The other woman is understanding but slightly jealous
The other woman is here for you until you abuse her.
She is gone.
Gone like the heated affair across the city.
Gone like the forgetfull place you once had that memory.
She needs space too, but you left her out too long. Long enough to dry-up.
Flowers are not pretty when they dry-up.
The other woman never stays long because other women never do.
She is the other to your wife. She is the other to your lover. She is the other to your sister, daughter, and even yourself.
She fit that void where you needed to fuck, where you needed to laugh, where you needed to abuse, and where you needed to rise above.
The other woman doesn't need your explanation just let her go when she is already gone.
The other woman doesn't need your drama.
4.02.2009
Say What?!
We have lost the value of a sincere smile, we have lost the value of respect, we have lost the value of courtesy, and the value of a sincere hug. I have accepted that it is rare to find someone to open a door for me and not fake a greeting. I have accepted that respect is not a two-way street and real friends are a dying breed. I have choose to realize that we do not live in Pleasantville but a fallen world, however what I can't get my head around is that we have lost the value of our words.
Promises are now merely best intentions and dangerous one-liners are taken to the either extreme - 1. with a grain of salt or 2. too dependent on immature emotions. I will admit I am guilty of the extreme one-liners in the heat of anger or frustration and I have made a large effort to refrain from immature 'I love you's, 'I hate's, and using any absolutes (never and always). We can hardly keep to our word unless it's in a written contract and we mouth off statements without repercussions. We have over looked that fact that the more extreme we become in our language the more incredible we become to others. We all know someone who you don't listen to anymore because you never know what's true and what's a little 'off'. I lost a few good friends because I use to be lose-lipped and hard to believe. My words were extreme and stretching the truth depended on what the result would be for me. There are times when I still feel overwhelming disappointed that I became that person and I have spent 3-some years correcting my imperfection. Two of those people will always view me as ‘that’ girl and that is my repercussion.
The newest phase that we have succumbed to is 'I'm Done!' I know - I am being sensitive and petty about this 'word' thing. If you would not lead someone on with 'I love you' after the first date why would you say 'I'm Done' when your actions will not follow. You are lying emotionally to yourself and the people around you. Needless to say I can do without the guessing games of creditable words with friends are acquaintances.
An old friend hit the nail on the head by saying:
Mean what you Say. Say what you Mean. And Don’t be Mean when you Say It.
Promises are now merely best intentions and dangerous one-liners are taken to the either extreme - 1. with a grain of salt or 2. too dependent on immature emotions. I will admit I am guilty of the extreme one-liners in the heat of anger or frustration and I have made a large effort to refrain from immature 'I love you's, 'I hate's, and using any absolutes (never and always). We can hardly keep to our word unless it's in a written contract and we mouth off statements without repercussions. We have over looked that fact that the more extreme we become in our language the more incredible we become to others. We all know someone who you don't listen to anymore because you never know what's true and what's a little 'off'. I lost a few good friends because I use to be lose-lipped and hard to believe. My words were extreme and stretching the truth depended on what the result would be for me. There are times when I still feel overwhelming disappointed that I became that person and I have spent 3-some years correcting my imperfection. Two of those people will always view me as ‘that’ girl and that is my repercussion.
The newest phase that we have succumbed to is 'I'm Done!' I know - I am being sensitive and petty about this 'word' thing. If you would not lead someone on with 'I love you' after the first date why would you say 'I'm Done' when your actions will not follow. You are lying emotionally to yourself and the people around you. Needless to say I can do without the guessing games of creditable words with friends are acquaintances.
An old friend hit the nail on the head by saying:
Mean what you Say. Say what you Mean. And Don’t be Mean when you Say It.
4.01.2009
Guinness Commercial
WARNING: If you are uncomfortable with videos of a sexual nature do not watch this!
Otherwise. . . enjoy a creative advertisement!
P.S. I apologize for nothing - it's just too funny!
Otherwise. . . enjoy a creative advertisement!
P.S. I apologize for nothing - it's just too funny!
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