Coexisting

I feel like a newborn fish in an ocean of misunderstanding and discrimination. After high school I understood abuse, cancer, and perseverance but, really, that was just a drop in the bucket. For more than 20 years I didn't open my eyes to equal rights, coexisting, discrimination, hatred, judgment, prejudice, and intolerance. I never witnessed the looks of disapproval from one human being to another even though it was all around me. I dislike admitting this but my grandfather, a 30 year Southern Baptist Pastor, once told me when I was 10-11 years old that he would never approve of me marrying a ‘Mexican or black boy’. I remember when he told me it was the first time something didn’t settle right in my gut. I didn’t understand why he was building barriers in my future – I didn’t understand this was just the beginning. I know, this sounds elementary for those of you that have experienced these vices for years but for myself, a small town hick sheltered little brat, thought the worst thing in the world was . . . not getting my way. Through high school and several years after I stereotyped people in so many categories - I had no idea what I was talking about or what I was doing to other people. I passed quick judgment on others that were different than I not because I actually hated them but because it was what I was taught. I learned from my ancestors.
Then something changed. Basically, I got really exhausted of ‘hating’ and simply being negative about something just because I didn’t understand it. In all honesty, I was curious on what I was missing out on. I believed there had to be more beautiful souls and amazing people outside the little box I lived in. Over a period of time and especially in college I open my mind and eyes to everything that was different than me. I wanted to know and see all the things that I was sheltered from when I was younger. I wanted to make my own decision about any given issue. I wanted to be a person of opinion by knowledge not a follower of tradition and habit.
I will admit I still have very strong feelings about the way people conduct their lives and I voice them passionately. I still have no tolerance for neglect, abuse, pessimism, vainness, and flat out irresponsibility.
That being said, I do in fact; feel like a newborn fish in an ocean of misunderstanding and discrimination. I have found myself on the other side. The side where I can’t elope in Vegas or on the beach even if I wanted to. I can’t categorize myself as an equal to certain rights. I don’t have a choice in blocking out gay remarks on the street and seeing the ‘look’ of disapproval. They are not looking at me because my outfit is cute they are looking at me because of who’s hand I am holding.
Again, many of you have dealt with this prejudice for some time but for me it’s new. For me it’s bitter sweet. I found the relationship and person of my dreams but in that I must sacrifice some freedom and acceptance.