Larry Smith and My Destiny

Larry Smith: Why you will fail to have a great career #TED : http://on.ted.com/hOFN

Something is going to happen and it starts today in me!
Thank you Larry Smith!

Worthy Wednesday

Karen Thompson Walker: What fear can teach us #TED : http://on.ted.com/s0iY

Today I'm thankful for other writers! Video says it all!

Chicken Soup for the Annoyed

Is anyone else sick of the never ending short one-liner excerpts of what seems to be Chicken Soup for the Soul on FB, Twitter, and Intagram? Don't get me wrong, I am all for cute thought-provoking pick-me-up's for life but geez I'm on over-load and by the way isn't that what Blogging is for? It's like sitting at a table with your friends and family as they go around giving you 5 sec to-do's in life and no matter which one sticks with you, you have failed the other 10 and counting. I rather sit next to my grandfather and hear his version of life and love then read some saying a 15-year-old girl crated and threw in some creative background to make it look like it's something I should live MY life by.  

The flood of 'Inspiring Quotes' with cute backgrounds provoke the same feeling as a 16-year-old peer pressure over load. Can you visualize your personal marquee?

"Never let go, Stay strong, Let go when..., Be humble, Feed the kids, Beauty is..., You must change...., Love is..., The easiest thing to do is..., Hate is..., We must all...., Your worst enemy is..., Walk the dog, At times our own light is..., The world is merely your..., How many Calories is that?, Follow your inner..., You can’t wait for..., It's more important to do..., Reality is..., You are not too old to..., We are out of toilet paper, A wise one is who..., Trust yourself before you..., To dare is to...., Having faith is to..., Destiny is the feeling when...,  Finish each day with..., Give me a fuckin' glass of wine!" 

Listen! Don't indulge yourself with another's witty perception. Your story is yours and your road is only yours (yes, I know that's my own witty perception). Meditation with your soul, your God, and brainstorming with the ones that know you best is the greatest way to conduct your decisions NOT the first thing that shows up on your News Feed. 

I leave you with a quote (hypocrisy in the making) that trumps all the others:

“Promise me you’ll always remember: you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Christopher Robin (to Pooh)

Assignment #2

Follow up to Assignment #1

List 10 Characteristics (one or two word nouns) that you want to be defined as. These characteristics are the ways that you want people to view you.

Are you portraying these characteristics currently?
How are you portraying them? or How do you want to start portraying them?
Do you portray some characteristics to strangers more than my family (or vice versa)?
Do you portray these behind closed doors as much as you do in public?

Extra Question:
If your home or work had camera's that watched your every move and word would you act differently? Consider it a 'moral camera' that any of your loved ones could see.

***My Results are in Progress***

Worthy Wednesday

The ability to play a sport. 

Maybe I haven't ran a marathon and I haven't hiked some crazy mountain but I can enjoy a small golf session and a tennis match. I will pay for it tomorrow but there is something to be said for moving your body and breathing in fresh air!  

Words

Words. The most under-rated and abused tool we have. We use words in everything we do and yet we over look its strength to both hurt and help others as well as ourselves. Homes and individual hopes are shattered by using too little or too many words.

Words. Are free, and as we know, we are ungrateful for 'free' things unless it benefits our own ego.

If you were given a free round of golf you would soak up the sun and gloat of your satisfying Saturday.

If company came over you would laugh about politics, society, and tell clever jokes at the expenses of reality.

If you received free game day tickets you would eat up the envy when telling the boys.

Words. The most free and freeing tool we are given but yet you can't use them to tell your daughter she is amazing.

I hope your golf game was amazing.

Assignment #1

I was given a task about a week ago and despite all efforts I have still been looking at a blank page of conclusions. Therefore, I have resulted into blogging in hopes that I will come to some results before next week.

Assignment:
What kind of person do I want to be? and What does that look like? What are the characteristics?
Areas of example - Self/Personality, Friend, Daughter, Employee, Girlfriend/Wife, etc.

Simple Right?!Go ahead try it!

I don't know what I am more concerned/confused about the fact that I'm 30 years old and I don't know the answers to these questions or that up until now I did in fact think I knew the answers to these questions. Either way it is time to figure it out.

In a week of brainstorming this topic I have come to these conclusions 1) I am quick to answer what I need from others 2) I find excuses on why I haven't fulfilled this task in the past 3) Situations have varied these answers throughout my years and 4) as much as I thought I knew about my role in other's life I haven't been proactive in a positive outcome.

This is what I have so far...

Self/Personality:
Balance - between work and play
Giving - unselfishly and without reason
In the Now - without unnecessary worry about past or present
Positive - Finds the good in all things
Funny - Never take life too serious

Friend:
Longevity - keep sincere friendship (not only acquiescence's) more than 2-3 years.
Support System - they can rely on me for coffee conversation to dog-sitting

Daughter:
???

Employee:
Irreplaceable - Job security, honored, and respected
Trainer/Mentor - Help other succeed

Girlfriend/Wife
Support System - I want to be their sounding board/problem solver
Best Friend - Video

My Time

I went to a job interview this morning and found myself in a situation where I could 1)Be completely naked in my answers or B)'Fake it til I made it'. Based on my Previous Blog I decided to go naked honest and if nothing else, I would be true to my soul.

Question 1:
Tell us what your biggest motivator is?

Inter-thought: Do they know I slept in this weekend til 10am and it took every ounce to get my wheels rolling in the morning?
Verbal Answer: To tell myself 'I'm proud of Me'. When you don't hear those words as much as you want or need there comes a time when the only person you can expect moral support from is yourself. It motivates me because I know no one else will do it and if I want it done right I gotta do it myself. Hearing 'Good Job', 'I'm proud of you', and 'You will do great' is so foreign for me. Especially by those who I think should be my cheerleaders. I have chosen to wake up and strive for 'I did everything in my power', 'I feel great about myself', and 'I have done ta-da greatness in spite of suck it others'. I'm My Motivator.

Question 2:
Tell us what is you biggest de-motivator?

Inter-thought: Seriously?! I pay my therapist for these answers.
Verbal Answer: That I have to tell myself 'I'm proud of me'. That I don't have as many cheerleaders that I want and sometimes need. That I have had to find ways to supplement hearing 'I'm proud of You' with telling myself 'I can do it'. What drives me is also my biggest weight.


How I feel Now:
They see greatness in me. It is now my time to show myself what they see...

Worthy Wednesday

The weather is 'Worthy' of mentioning today!

I had a White Christmas for the first time in a place where I resided. Snow still lies on the ground and before I know it spring will soon blossom. I’m thankful for seasons on Earth. I have been running to find change when all I had to do is look outside and enjoy the already existing change of life we call the Universe. It’s truly beautiful regarding on the temperature.  

Fake It 'Til You Make It

I'm tired of faking it. I have become a 'Jack' of all trades and a 'Queen' of none. I have blurred the lines between instinct and fear, hard-work and excuses, conviction and guilt, and the core of who I am with who other’s perceive me. I have replaced discipline with my own smoke a mirror routine. I have convinced myself that if I move quick enough from place to place that I will eventually catch up to my holy grail. Because of my flight-response to everything not perfect I can not be content in the present. It has been years since I lived in the 'now'. It's exhausting living is the 'what happened?' and the 'what else is out there?' at the same time.

So what does that all mean? Going forward I can't afford to continue the same tactics.

Facts:
My family is not willing able to be cheerleaders. I must be my own.
I can learn nothing by assuming only by hard work and discipline.
Confidence can not be given to me only developed by me.
My ideas, visions, and dreams are only fiction until they are matched with action.
They are only mistakes if I didn't learn from them AND if I do not repeat them.
Satisfaction must steam from my effort not other's responses.

“Don't you dare take the lazy way. It's too easy to excuse yourself because of your ancestry. Don't let me catch you doing it! Now -- look close at me so you will remember. Whatever you do, it will be you who do.”
― John Steinbeck, East of Eden

I'm convinced that to move forward I must eliminate excuses by bringing them out of the shadows.

Excuses:
Emotionless and side-line parents.
Lack of direction from a life mentor.
Health issues
Depression
A series of trusted relationships broken by victimization and insult
People not fulfilling what I want/need from them.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson

I'm convinced that to move forward I must also eliminate my fears by bringing them out of the shadows.

Fears:
Being honest in relationships out of hurting their feelings
Being laughed at
Other’s not appreciating what I appreciate (lack of connection)
Cheating on every relationship
Never knowing what I was meant to do
Being all talk and no action.
My biggest and only achievement is getting my BA.
Losing my memory.
Over-thinking my way out of a good reality

Side Note: 
In my therapy session this morning I listed a few of the above in which my therapist who just a few weeks ago asked me why I bother coming to therapy as, from her perceptive, I seem to know what I need to do and have much self-confidence to get there. Today was a different tone, she looked at me raised her eye brows and said I suffer from ‘Giving a fuck; what other’s think and not living in the now”! Luckily it’s curable!

Inspired By:
Janae Avila
and
Jennifer Knapp

Release Her

Release her, Bastard.
I don't care who you are,
I don't want to know a thing about you.
Release her, Bastard.
Her God's power will flood her soul and wash your remains away.
My God's power will hold her close and keep her strong.
Release her, Bastard.
Your presence was short and shortly remembered.
Flee far where your memory is but a fog.
It is my job to protect her, comfort her and love her.
I demand you.
Release her, Bastard.