I know who my parents wants me be to (I think), I know who my friend's think I am, I know what my guilt and inner-demons want me to be, I know what my teachers expected out of me, I know what my enemies think of me, and I know to my dog I am the best person in the world! But after swimming in the ocean of life searching for P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way I'm not convinced even Sydney has the answer. So, I buckled down!
When asking this question in the past I would divert and cover up the real topic with 'What do I want?' In turn always being disappointment and usually chasing a rabbit through some maze. Therefore, I stay on task - Who am I?
I am a girl who hates explaining myself but often find it helpful to defend off the people who try to answer it for me. I am a girl who loves meeting random people who feed off positive energy and although I may never see them again, we get to share a moment in time that will never be repeated. I am a girl who at times cries just because I miss being an innocent child. I am a girl who at times wants to murder those people who took my innocence too soon. I am a girl who rather look with emotion then talk with words. I am a girl who blames too many things on my up-bringing. I am a girl who will open a door for anyone but then flip you off if you don't say 'Thank You'. I am a girl who refuses to be told what to do - I literally take offensive to it. I am a girl who gets crabby when I am misunderstood. I am a girl who needs a lot of alone time not because I don't like people but because it gives me clarity from the inside out. I am a girl that battles with the characteristics in people that remind me of the vices in myself. I am a girl who battles with work-discipline and patience. I am a girl who knows I'm beautiful. I am a girl who can rock stilettos or converse in the same day. I am a girl who knows how to take advantage of most situations to get what I want. I am a girl who knows that I should stop doing that. I am a girl who is really loyal to my close friends. I am a girl who drops people quickly when I don't feel emotionally protected. I am a girl who misses her Papa because he seemed to slow life down. I am a girl who needs to be around positive light people because I take on the energy of other’s too easily. I am a girl who needs a patio, a glass of wine, and music to feel alive. I am a girl who has become bitter towards my family and can’t seem to shake it. I am a girl that falls in love with a ‘person’ because of their soul not their gender. I am a girl who is amazed that people have healthy marriages longer than 30 years. I am a girl who knows I have talent but is too afraid to be critiqued. I am a girl who is powered by water not sun. I am a girl who attempts not to need anyone but wants to be needed. I am a girl who put her identity in Northern California Farmers Markets, playing cards with good friends, hilarious moments with people that get me, striving to be the person my soul mates needs me to be, and staying true to my artistic side. I am a girl who had an ‘Old Soul’ but grew up. I am a girl who knows my potential is greater than my drive. I am a girl who needs silly. I am a girl who wants affirmation. I am a girl who needs someone to call me out on my attitude in a loving matter. I am a girl who is by no means perfect but wants someone to remind that doesn’t matter. I am a girl who will go to any length to help unless you make it an obligation. I am a girl who is still not sure if I want to be someone’s mother. I am a girl who questions absolutes unless it comes in the form of Vodka. I am a girl who despite all my self-induced pain knows there is still time to love and to be loved.
2 comments:
This is the most honest piece I've read of yours.
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